I love her voice!! I think there is some really dynamic spots like in the beginning when he says your grandpa is hot..:). But i think you need to do a lot of editing because its too long and there is spots that could be easier cut, like when she is just trying to think of what to say next.
It a nice story, and she's a character. It is too long. Maybe you could concentrate on one or two moments, parts where she talks about feelings, not just what happened. Im looking forward to it's development.
This is a really great story but it could be made even better by editing it down a ton. Her voice has a great texture too. Also if you could cut out the parts where you can here your voice because it is a little distracting. Just really focus on what is necessary for the listener to get a good idea of what to keep. The ending is a abrupt so you could work on that as well. Overall I think you have some wonderful material but just keep going with it.
I like the beginning, but you could take out some pauses. At times they are necessary, but other times its drags the story out. I like the part when she calls your grandpa "hot". Maybe cut out some of the airport stuff, but keep the part about him calling from California. This is really cute : )
Whew! Almost seven minutes. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to edit a piece down. But you should never be afraid to do it. I think there are some obvious "keepers" here (the "hot grandpa" line, for instance), but I think you'd really benefit from focusing on the defining stories. Which parts of this interview best communicate your grandma's feelings?
This is definitely an engaging story but i guess you could cut out a lot. I feel that some of the greatest moments are at the end when she narrates the 'glasses' story. You could probably edit some of the part of how they met in the beginning half.
I love her voice!! I think there is some really dynamic spots like in the beginning when he says your grandpa is hot..:). But i think you need to do a lot of editing because its too long and there is spots that could be easier cut, like when she is just trying to think of what to say next.
ReplyDeleteIt a nice story, and she's a character. It is too long. Maybe you could concentrate on one or two moments, parts where she talks about feelings, not just what happened. Im looking forward to it's development.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really great story but it could be made even better by editing it down a ton. Her voice has a great texture too. Also if you could cut out the parts where you can here your voice because it is a little distracting. Just really focus on what is necessary for the listener to get a good idea of what to keep. The ending is a abrupt so you could work on that as well. Overall I think you have some wonderful material but just keep going with it.
ReplyDeletei agree, your grandmother has a great voice. (the part about him being hot made me laugh). but needs to be edited down a lot.
ReplyDeleteI like the beginning, but you could take out some pauses. At times they are necessary, but other times its drags the story out. I like the part when she calls your grandpa "hot". Maybe cut out some of the airport stuff, but keep the part about him calling from California. This is really cute : )
ReplyDeleteWhew! Almost seven minutes. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to edit a piece down. But you should never be afraid to do it. I think there are some obvious "keepers" here (the "hot grandpa" line, for instance), but I think you'd really benefit from focusing on the defining stories. Which parts of this interview best communicate your grandma's feelings?
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely an engaging story but i guess you could cut out a lot. I feel that some of the greatest moments are at the end when she narrates the 'glasses' story. You could probably edit some of the part of how they met in the beginning half.
ReplyDelete